Loss, Grief, Hope - Getting through the pains of bereavement

Loss is an interesting thing, and as I type this, I still feel a hole in my heart. The past three weeks have truly been something.

I've been happy and sad, then happy and sad again. Sometimes, the sadness felt suffocating and like I couldn't breathe through the fact that I had lost you.

Recently, I began to understand the different responses to grief. There are those that cry it out, eat the sadness away, and there are some that bury themselves into their work and the things around them so as to not think about what happened.

In the first nine days, I tried my hardest not to think about it until I was alone. And the thing is, the thought of you just resurfaces once in a while. I think of you, and it doesn't hurt, but then I think of you another time, and then it feels like my heart is in pain. It's not, fret not.

Before you passed and we would talk, you'd tell me, "Nono play with your cousins," and I would. I always did. Now, they're not my cousins anymore but my siblings.

It was only today that I realized how much I was truly grateful for you. You were the first person who asked the real reason why I wanted to study what I wanted to do. strangely enough, I didn't lie about the reason, and I told you one of the reasons.

I haven't told a lot of people why, but I told you, and that just made me know how much I trusted you.

15 years. You knew me for over 15 years, and you loved me for that long.

That's a long time. How did you do it?

Today, I felt like I was shaking. yesterday I knew that when I see you for the last time I'd cry. I did, and I haven't stopped crying yet - not physically, but my heart still cries.

As they said people should throw sand to you I didn't want to do it but i had to. shovels aren't heavy, even with sand, and I say this from experience because I know what it means to hold a shovel but holding it then felt so heavy, and I had to muster up strength to hold still.

Kudos to you for holding on for long. People spoke really highly of you, and deep down in me, I wanted to be like you. I wanted faith in God that was as strong as yours, and I wanted to be as strong as you.

I'm glad that right now, you're free from pain, and you're resting happily. The fact that you're with your Father makes me very assured.

Someone said today that things will be fine, and I'll learn how to deal with it. So I'll do it. I'll take everything one day at a time, even though I know that I'll miss you a lot.

Till then, Adieu!!

Onoyimi Danielle Obende